When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
