i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
