Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
