best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
