So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
