She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
