By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
