hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
