I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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