I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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