Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
