no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
