Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
