I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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