i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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