dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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