I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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