So drunk its hurt
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
