You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize