Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
