The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
