I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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