I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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