I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
