I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
