It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
