well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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