well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
