Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
