It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
