Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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