when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
