I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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