a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
