I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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