I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
