I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
