good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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