Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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