i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
