I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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