my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
