He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
