Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
