hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
