He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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