Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
