It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
