She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
worst night to have a conscience
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
