I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
