Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
