remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
