I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
