like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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