hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
