I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
