he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
