I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize