well I can't set my house on fire every night
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize