i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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