We got so high we made milksteak
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
