I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize