And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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