forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
babies were throwing up all over the place
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
