my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
MIDGETS
????
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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