i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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