I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
