I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
