Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
